Sunday, November 27, 2011

HOW TO WIN FRIENDS

A question I commonly get is, how do I get more friends?

If you have a friend who goes out of his way to help cement friendships between others, consider yourself fortunate indeed. In today’s frantic, mobile, throwaway society, such individuals are exceedingly rare. With the demands placed upon us by our careers, our families, and the hectic pace of daily life, most of us have little time for ourselves, and even less for our friends. Yet we know that friendship freely given and gratefully received is one of life’s greatest gifts.
In order to gte more friends, it is time for you to reach out and be the friend to someone else who is reaching out.

Igniting lives on fire.

http://www.fraserstirling.co.nz/


Saturday, November 26, 2011

EFFECTIVE CONVERSATIONS


Just as in a conversation it’s a good idea to listen more than you talk, it is also wise in relationships to think about the well-being of others more than you think about your own wishes and desires. When you constantly strive to treat others in the same way you would like them to treat you, you become a person whom others like to be around, one who commands their respect, confidence, and loyalty. When you learn to manage emotions and your ego, and when you learn to always consider the needs and desires of others, it is inevitable that you will “bait your hook” with kindness and consideration, and catch more friends than you can count.

Igniting lives on fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Are you using your talents?

I have come across the parable of the talents 3-4 times in the past few days.  A firm believer in the law of the universe, I have refreshed my mind of what it stands for and am sharing a great article by Brian Tracy.


The Parable of Talents
By: Brian TracyThe Parable of the Talents is the primary reason for wealth or poverty throughout history.Reasons for Rich or PoorWhy do some people retire rich and most people retire poor? This subject has fascinated philosophers, thinkers, mystics and teachers throughout the ages. There have been so many cases of hundreds or thousands and even millions of men and women who have started with nothing and become financially independent that people are naturally curious to know why it happened and what are the common rules or principles that others can apply to become wealthy as well.Why People Become RichOne illustration of this key principle is called the parable of the talents. In the Bible, it says, "To him that hath, shall more be given, and he shall have abundance. But from him that hath not, even that which he hath shall be taken away."Accumulation Leads to More AccumulationWhat does it mean? In the modern world, we say "the rich get richer and the poor get poorer." The fact is that people who accumulate money tend to accumulate more and more. People who don't accumulate money seem to lose even that little bit of money which they have. Why should this happen? The great success principle, the single idea that explains human destiny is simple. It says that, "you become what you think about, most of the time."


Control Your ThoughtsAnd whatever you dwell upon, grows in your reality. You create your entire world by the things you choose to think about and how you choose to think about them.
It just so happens that wealthy, successful people fill their minds with thoughts, words, pictures and images of wealth, affluence, success, productivity and solutions to problems in the marketplace, most of the time. These thoughts trigger the reticular activating cortex, the part of the brain that makes you more alert and sensitive to things that you have decided are important to you.

Activate Your Reticular CortexFor example, if you decide to invest in a mutual fund, you will start to see news and information about mutual funds everywhere. Mentions in newspapers and magazines will jump out at you. These notices have always been there but now you have sensitized your brain to pick them up and draw them to your attention with far greater frequency and vividness. This is the function and power of your reticular cortex.

Avoid Poverty ThinkingOn the other hand, what do poor people think about most of the time? Unfortunately, poor people fill their minds with thoughts of scarcity, lack, poverty, being unable to afford things. They are always thinking and talking about how little money they have, how much things cost and how they wish things could be better financially. What they think about most of the time is how little money they have.

Think Like Wealthy People ThinkWealthy people from an early age think about how much they have, how much they want and all the different things they can do to acquire and earn the money and things they desire.

Find Out How Rich People ThinkHere's a rule for you. If you want to become successful, find out what failures do and don't do it. If you want to be wealthy, find out what poor people think about, and avoid thinking in those ways. Instead, find out how wealthy people think. Find out what they read. Find out how they spend their time. Study their lives, read their stories and autobiographies and listen to their words when they are interviewed and on tape. The more you find out what financially successful people think and talk about most of the time, and do the same things, the more rapidly you will enjoy the same rewards that they do.



What am I going to take from the parable?
To make sure I put my assets are put to use to make sure I get a return.


www.fraserstirling.co.nz


Igniting lives on Fire 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Keys to Success


I have been thinking about what success is and what it means to different people. Here are some things that help us be successful in whatever we pursue. 
     

  1. Clarity: Eighty percent of success comes from being clear on who you are, what you believe in and what you want.

     

  1. Competence: You can't climb to the next rung on the ladder until you are excellent at what you do now.

     

  1. Constraints: Eighty percent of all obstacles to success come from within. Find out what is constraining in you or your company and deal with it.

     

  1. Concentration: The ability to focus on one thing single-mindedly and see it through until it's done takes more character than anything else.
      Creativity:  Flood you life with ideas from many sources.  Creativity needs to be exercised like a muscle.   

    1. Courage: Most in demand and least in supply, courage is the willingness to do the things you know are right.

       

    1. Continuous learning: Read, at the very least, one book a week on business to keep you miles ahead of the competition. And just as you eat and bathe, organize your time so you spend 30 minutes a day exploring email, sending messages, going through websites, because like exercise, it's the only way you can keep on top of technology  



Igniting lives on Fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Monday, November 14, 2011

COMMUNICATION

My recent posts have been about relationships, therefore I thought I would discuss communication today:

Communication is one of the most important aspects of our lives that, ironically, many of us pay the least attention to. Regretfully, the main reason is that many of us have never been taught how to communicate in a way that benefits us and the person we are communicating with. From the moment we wake up in the morning until we go to bed, we are communicating, first with family, then with coworkers, neighbors, friends, and so on. We communicate either verbally, through our spoken words, or nonverbally, through eye contact, body language, and touch as well as through our thoughts, feelings, and passions. It has been estimated that only about 20 percent of our communication is verbal, and the rest is nonverbal. It is important, then, to pay attention to all the nonverbal clues we express to people as they speak more than the words we say. For example, most people can remember when they were children and "the look" their parents gave them that expressed much more than words would. Imagine if our communication with our spouses was clearer so that we knew how to express our feelings and ask for what we wanted--and we were heard. What if we, as parents, communicated from a place of personal power inside ourselves, expecting our children to listen and cooperate without having to yell? Through verbal and nonverbal communication we let people know who we are, what we want, and how we feel. Therefore communication is one of the necessary building blocks for creating a solid and successful family environment.

Here are four steps that will enhance communication with your family.

1. Expressing Our Wants and Feelings We all have wants and feelings. Once upon a time, in our youth, it was all right for us to want, and more so, it was even necessary for us to want. But many of us had parents who told us no, we could not join the big kids in the street, we could not ask for money or play with a certain thing, and that we asked too many questions. So "no, you don't want that" became the mantra of our lives. How many times did we hear statements such as these: "don't argue with me"; "if you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about"; and so many others that taught us to stuff our feelings and shut up. No wonder we have a hard time expressing ourselves. This transfers into our adulthood to our spouses and children. When we do not get what we want, we tend to blame and attack others, causing upset and a belief that relationships are hard. In order to improve our ability to communicate and therefore improve our relationship with our family, we need to understand and release any emotions like anger and resentment and the belief that we are going to upset someone by stating our wants. It is when we release these that we can express our current wants and feelings, and we can then hear the wants and feelings of our spouses and children.

2. Making Others Right Any time we make negative comments to people about something they are doing or about a feeling or thought they have, we are making them wrong for who they are. This is called projection: the tendency to unconsciously place onto others our own undesirable ideas and impulses. How can you tell if you are projecting? The easiest way to know is if you are judging. How many times do you judge your spouse or your children for actions they take or feelings they have? No one wants to be ignored, accused, or made wrong. Think of someone right now that you have done this to. What was his or her reaction? When we project, we think they are undeserving of our love or caring. Truly, the place to start letting go of judgments is within ourselves. The more we release our own judgments about ourselves, the less we project them onto our family members. We can then make them right and see them as important, having value, and being okay for who they are because we have seen that about ourselves.

3. Listening What does listening have to do with communication? Why is listening so important? Listening allows us to get information, to learn about someone, and to understand another's feelings. Research has shown that people are listening only 25 percent of the time and that they make up the rest of what they think they hear. Therefore the nonlistener does not learn what there is to know, and the relationship becomes a classic lose-lose situation. There are many reasons why we do not hear what other people are saying. Some of them include talking too much, being too consumed with our own opinions, thinking we know a lot more about something than the person talking and planning our remarks and actions before the other person finishes. A good listener gives his or her undivided attention, asks questions without interrupting, does not judge until comprehension is complete, sees things from all points of view, and, especially, exercises the mind.

4. Having Agreements Instead of Expectations Since we have not learned positive ways to communicate due to holding back our feelings and not asking for what we want, we end up having expectations of others. We feel as if they can read our minds and know what we want without having to express it. Expectation is defined as "a prospect of future benefit." Because of this desire for a future benefit, we habitually deprive or withhold something desirable from ourselves for some outward goal or the love of someone in our lives. This is referred to as Sacrifice. For example, you think, "I will do this certain thing for my spouse, and when I do, she or he will love me more for it." Another example is thinking "I will pick up my child's toys, and he or she will learn from that and then pick up his or her own toys." We also have expectations of ourselves based on what we think others want of us, and they become shoulds; examples are "I should be a better parent" or "I should be happy around my spouse all the time." Because of fears we carry within ourselves about relationships and asking for what we want, we hold these expectations as a desire or a hope, wanting them to come true. We then sacrifice ourselves with these expectations, depriving ourselves of our wants. We become angry and disappointed when they do not come true and then feel guilty for having expressed the anger. In reality, we are angry with ourselves for not speaking up and asking for we want and need. To resolve this, we need to observe when we run our lives by shoulds or expectations and instead then communicate to others our desires and make agreements with each family member. Successful family relationships depend on how well we communicate. By using these tools, you will learn how to listen and communicate with each other. You will empower yourself and your family members. And you will create more joy, love, and peace in the family household.

Igniting lives on fire

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Sunday, November 13, 2011

TEAM WORK!!

In my working life I have experienced many different levels of team work. Some places only do the bare minimum together and leave each person to get on with their own lives. Other places work extremely close and help each other every step of the way. So what is better? Friendly cooperation is never any part of the devil’s work. He is always working on the other side. The most noble human relationships are those that have been formed in a spirit of cooperation and harmony. Cooperation, in many ways, is the physical manifestation of your care and concern for your fellow man. When you work with others in a spirit of friendly cooperation, you are conducting yourself according to the founding principles of most religions and all successful societies. Everyone occasionally feels pangs of jealousy or envy, usually accompanied by the urge to cause problems or difficulty for those we dislike. Truly successful people have learned to restrain such urges. They know that if they concentrate upon their own objectives and help others along the way, they will eventually reach their goals. It isn’t easy to always be a friendly, cooperative person, but in the end you will find that it is worth the effort. Igniting lives on fire. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

How to get friends

Just a short message today. Have been thinking about friends over the last few days and I wanted to just share an idea: If you call on your friends only when you need something, you will soon find yourself without friends. There is a great deal of wisdom in the phrase, “If you want friends, be a friend.” Friendship means giving without expecting anything in return. Busy, successful people are not searching for new friends. If you want to be their friend, you must make the effort to befriend them. Let them know that you are interested in them as people, not in what they can do for you, and you may find that you have made a true and loyal friend. Make sure you do stop and thank the people in your lives. igniting the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Sunday, November 6, 2011

BENEFITS OF SETTING GOALS

The first key note speaker at the conference at the weekend was talking about goals and how they set them. It was good to hear a different way of approaching one of my favourite topics. I thought I would share why goal setting is important: 1. Greater Peace of Mind. There is nothing in the world like going to bed at night knowing you are investing the days of your life in the areas of your chosen endeavor. Nothing brings you greater peace of mind than having the certainty that you are consciously creating your destiny, living a life of your own design. Goal getters realize that you create your life goal by goal. If you want a better life, set better goals. Simple really. 2. Clarity of Purpose. Having carefully chosen goals gives your life greater meaning. Show me a person who doesn't know their passion or purpose in life and I will show you a person who either has no goals or pursues goals with no personal challenge or meaning. People who actively and systematically pursue meaningful goals feel a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in life. What you are doing right now is either taking you way from or towards your dreams. Goals help us navigate throughout our journey. Our goals are a reflection of who we are. 3. Greater Productivity and Focus. People with goals direct their day, instead of their day directing them. People with goals know their desired outcome and are less likely to waste time on unimportant matters. When you know your outcome, you avoid distraction. You understand the people and pursuits that feed your desires and those that do not. You know where to invest your time and energy. You also learn where NOT to spend your time. 4. Greater Personal Growth. Each time you pursue a new goal outside your comfort zone, you contribute to your own personal growth and advancement. Pursuing goals causes you to stretch and learn about yourself and the world around you. What was once difficult often becomes easier and you long to conquer new heights. Nothing in the world will give you a zest for life like consistent growth. 5. Higher Quality of Life. Quite simply, people who have goals get more out of life. The more life you give to your goals, the more your goals give life to you. Having goals means you value your time and make the most of it. When you know what you want and have a plan to get there, the journey is a lot more fun than having no goals and no plans. Having goals makes life easier. People who set goals are happier and more fulfilled. When you are happy and fulfilled you take loving care of yourself and have more of yourself to give to the people you love. Happy, fulfilled people attract other happy and fulfilled people. 6. You Attract a Higher Quality Peer Group. People who have goals and are moving towards them are energized and full of life. When you have goals for your life, you attract other people who have goals of their own. And we are well aware of the power of association. You become like the people you hang around. 7. Increased Confidence and Self Esteem. Each time you make a commitment to a goal and invest the very best of yourself towards it's attainment, you gain more confidence and self esteem, regardless of whether or not you achieve the goal. Your subconscious mind knows that you gave your all and that strengthens your confidence muscle. Progressive action always leads to growth and greater fulfillment. People that do not set goals never venture outside of their comfort zone. Deep down they know they are not realizing their potential and feel bad about themselves. People with goals are fully alive and dare to take risks that elevate their place in life. Whether they win or lose, they learn and grow. 8. Contribution to Others. Whether or not you know it, someone looks up to you. If you have children of your own, they are like little sponges, absorbing the words you speak and the actions you take. Your behaviors serve as model to the people around you. Maybe it's your sibling, a coworker or even a kid down the street, someone looks up to you. Every time you set a goal and act on it, you serve as a shining example of a person who is moving towards realizing your full potential in life. Whenever you pursue a goal, you inspire others to do the same. 9. Goals Help You Become a Better Person. Don't set goals for what you can get. Set goals for what they will make of you. Set goals for who you become along the way. People who set goals and follow through, develop the skill of overcoming obstacles. People who follow through on their goals and commitments develop an inner strength and unshakable character. People who do NOT set goals never discover how great they can become. They never awaken their dormant gifts and talents. Whenever you set and commit to a goal and follow through on your commitment, you strengthen your character and personal integrity. And finally what is perhaps the biggest benefit of setting and pursuing goals... 10. For the benefit each individual goal will bring to your life. As you begin to master the art of goal setting, every goal you set brings it's own unique positive result or benefit to your life. When I work with private coaching clients, before they set a goal, I ask them to determine 10 deeply compelling, personal reasons why they must achieve the goal they are considering setting. When you do this, you give yourself all the clarity and motivation you need to fuel you beyond obstacles, all the way through to the goal's completion. If you cannot identify the benefits in advance, you probably would not bother setting the goal the first place. You can visualize your outcome by reveling in the results before they occur. So if you have not given yourself the gift of learning the art of goal setting, perhaps it's time. By moving towards our ideal we are igniting the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Saturday, November 5, 2011

CONTROLLING THOUGHTS

I have just been away on a conference and had plenty of time to think about the power of our thoughts. Whats the difference between the person who makes something of their lives and someone who just drifts along? The drifter makes no attempt to discipline or control his thoughts, and he never learns the difference between positive thinking and negative thinking. He allows his mind to drift with any stray thought which may float into it. People who drift in connection with their thought habits are sure to drift on other subjects as well. In an allegorical account of an interview with the devil it was stated that the devil said he feared nothing except that the world might sometime produce a thinker who would use his own mind, adding significantly that he controlled all drifters who neglected to use their own minds. The devil is not the only individual who exploits the drifter. And the drifter is the victim not only of all those who wish to exploit him, but he is also the victim of all the stray, negative thoughts which park themselves in his mind. The non-drifter takes full possession of his own mind through self-discipline, and organizes definite plans and purposes. He directs his mind to whatever ends he desires, and he keeps his mind occupied with the things he wants and off the things he does not want. A positive mental attitude is the first and the most important of the twelve riches of life, and it cannot be attained by the drifter. It can be attained only by a scrupulous regard for time, through habits of self-discipline. No amount of time devoted to one's occupation can compensate for the benefits of a positive mental attitude, for this is the power which makes the use of time effective and productive. A positive mental attitude does not grow voluntarily, like the weeds of the fields. It requires cultivation, through carefully disciplined habits of thoughts. And the greatest of all training grounds for the cultivation of a positive mental attitude is provided by one's chosen occupation, where he spends the greatest part of his life. Here you may combine your efforts to make them financially productive and to develop a positive mental attitude. When you get your own thought habits under control, you will have yourself under control, but you cannot do it by drifting. Organize your thoughts. Decide what you want, to what position in life you aspire. Then plan ways and means to express your thoughts, in terms of organized action. Follow through with applied faith and unremitting persistence. This is the means by which you can become the master of your fate, the captain of your soul. Waste no time worrying about what others may think. The important thing is what you think and do. Its the key to igniting our own inner fire. Igniting lives on fire. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Friday, November 4, 2011

WORKING TOGETHER

I work with a great bunch of people and I believe that is because we all bring a similar attitude to each other. However it isn't always like that, so what makes the difference? Napoleon Hill comments: Willing cooperation produces enduring power, while forced cooperation ends in failure. No civilization based upon the unfair treatment of its people has ever endured. Someone may force the cooperation of others for a time, but that power is never sustained. Only when people are accorded the respect they deserve do they willingly create and maintain successful organizations and societies. When you build a company or an organization based on fairness and justice for every member, you have built a power that will long endure. The best way to secure the commitment and unending cooperation of others is through the simple application of the Golden Rule. It is the most successful and long-lasting management theory ever developed. When you treat others as you would like to be treated were you in their situation, you will inspire loyalty and enthusiastic cooperation. Set high standards for yourself and others, treat them well, let them do their jobs, and they will perform miracles for you. Ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz