Power of hope

No matter how bad things seem to be at any moment of time, there is always hope. There is a saying "This too will pass"  I hope that todays story brings a small ray of hope to you this day!!! Jean Kerr said, "Hope is the feeling you have, that the feeling you have, isn't permanent." It is what we have when we know that we WILL eventually survive the night and bask in sunshine once again. It does not deny the present darkness, but it reminds us that dawn is coming. Brigadier General Robinson Risner ("Robbie") spent seven years as a POW at the "Hanoi Hilton," as prisoners of war called their North Viet Nam compound. There he discovered the power of hope. He spent four and a half years of that time in isolation. He endured ten months of total darkness. Those ten months were the longest of his life. When they boarded up his little seven-by- seven foot cell, shutting out the light, he wondered if he was going to make it. He had already been under intense physical and mental duress after years of confinement. And now, not a glimmer of light shone into his cell -- or into his soul. Robbie spent hours a day exercising and praying. But at times he felt he could nothing but scream. Not wanting to give his captors the satisfaction of knowing they'd broken him, he stuffed clothing into his mouth to muffle the noise as he screamed at the top of his lungs. One day Robbie got down on the floor and crawled under his bunk. He located a vent that let in outside air. As he pressed against the vent, he saw a faint glimmer of light reflected on the inside wall of the opening. Robbie put his eye next to the cement wall and discovered a minute crack in the construction. It allowed him to glimpse outside, but was so small that all he could see was one blade of grass. A single blade of grass and a faint ray of light. But when he stared at the sight, he felt a surge of joy, excitement and gratitude like he hadn't known in years. "It represented life, growth, and freedom," he later said, "and I knew God had not forgotten me." It was a tiny glimmer hope that sustained Robbie through an unbearable ordeal. The human spirit is strong. It seems to run forever on nothing but a morsel of hope. Without it, you have nothing. With it, nothing else matters.

How to create joy each day?

I was in a meeting last night and we were talking about what we know and don't know. While it seems easier for some people to smile and always seem happy, I got thinking that people who might not smile as often and seem distracted may not have had the time to look at how to bring joy into their l;ives each day. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo F. Buscaglia Actually, there isn’t any art behind it. Just that you were born to be happy, and you can show this happiness with that beautiful smile of yours. C’mon! Let’s see it. Okay, good. To some extent, we all know how to spot a genuine smile, basically this formula: Genuine Smile = Crinkly Eyes We are all sensitive to this genuine scale, so why then is it that when we cross paths with a stranger or casual acquaintance in the elevator, we give them a fake smile? That ‘polite smile’. You know what I’m talking about (don’t get me wrong, I do this too, unconscious at grocery stores, on streets, while waiting for something.). The lesson? Smile with your eyes! Feel it genuinely and it will come out naturally. Extras: check out this quick interactive quiz from BBC to test out your ability to spot the difference between a real smile and a fake one. Note: I am now smiling as I write this article. I love it! Thank you for reading and allowing me to express myself creatively. A smile is so simple, yet so powerful. Some noticeable effects of externalizing your internal joy are: People will be attracted to you – I don’t mean sexually (well, maybe that too), but people will feel drawn to your energy. When you smile more, you will carry an aura and poise that will draw people to you. People will look forward to being around you, knowing only that they feel great around you. People on the street, at work, your friends etc. We all like and want to be around happy and cheerful people, right? Optimistic – You’ll feel more positive about yourself and the world. Happiness & Joy – A smile is an expression of happiness and joy in you. Like an upward spiral, a smile will boost the happiness you feel. Healthy – A smile can affect your internal state, which can have physiological impact on your physical and mental health. Approachable – A smile is so welcoming and will make people feel more at ease. Making Other People Happy – A smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves. It’s heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly. Smiles Are Contagious – Others can quickly and easily catch it and will experience the above ‘side effects’. Take The Smiling Challenge! Smile at Strangers -You know those times when we cross paths with a stranger or accidentally catch someone’s gaze, and we (both) would suddenly look away in awkwardness or pretend we are looking at something else? Well, the challenge is to give them a big smile. A genuine smile, showing teeth and everything. Deepak Chopra talks about giving each person you encounter a small gift. I do this with a smile. Why not? It doesn’t cost us anything. Plus, it’s a lot more fun than feeling awkward and pretending you’re not there.I also love to see people’s reactions when you smile at them, and they aren’t expecting it. Some blush, and others are surprised and smile back, which makes me feel all warm inside. Smile at Work -Living under a routine, we can easily be in a zombie-like state when coming into work. We zip into work quickly following the same routines we’ve habituated. Our target is to get to work, and we can sometimes forget about the people around us, in other cubes/offices/departments. So, the challenge is to practice beaming with smile as you come into work. Smile genuinely with people you meet. Be completely pleased to see them. Make it a focus for the day, to bring more happiness into the lives of others. Ask them genuinely and infused with energy, “How are ya?” “How was your weekend?” Watch the smiles surface on their face. A Small Compliment with Your Smile -When meeting or encountering people. Look for things you admire or like about them, however small, let them know. A small genuine compliment can go a long way to lift people’s spirits. I’ve found it useful to be conscious of things that make me smile. You might want to spend a few minutes making a list of things that brings a smile to your face. Some Moments That Make Me Smile are: When Zippy (my 10 week Jack Russel) growls me for not getting her into the room (She's only 10-12 cm tall and I am 6foot). When I practice gratitude ‘sessions’ When I reach mini goals throughout the day. When I read comments left by readers. More Tips To Bring Smiles into Your Life Smiling Journal – For two weeks, record the moments that brought out your wonderful smile. If you are ever feel down, flip through this book to be reminded of things that make you smile. Experience those moments and notice your state shift to a positive one. You cannot be both angry and smiling at the same time. I learned in physiological psychology that if the physical action conflicts with that of your feeling, the feeling inside will shift to match that of your outer sensation. One way to shift your emotion is to change your physiology.A journal will bring smiles through noticing the good things as well. Appreciation – Identify things that you are grateful for. Then focus on those things as much as possible. Humor – Make a point to watch a comedy movie. To go a comedy club. Hang out with people who make you laugh. Go On a Self Date – When we feel more connected with ourselves, we feel more joy and tend to naturally smile more. Find Innocence - Observe a small child or a pet at play with total ease and freedom. Watch their innocence, enjoy their presence and yours. Are you smiling? Do you feel happy for them? That’s because you are connecting with the same innocence within yourself. What makes you smile? Who made you smile today? Share your joy and happiness in a comment! See you there. *smiles* Ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

KEYS TO HIGH PERFORMANCE

A question I am often asked is, How do you get so much done? Today I have listed 7 keys that will help you make the most out of each and every moment and or day. Goal Setting Every morning, take 3 to 5 minutes to write out your top goals in the present tense. Get a spiral notebook for this purpose. By writing out your 10 goals at the beginning of each day, you will program them deep into your subconscious mind. This daily goal writing will activate your mental powers. It will stimulate your mind and make you more alert. Throughout the day, you will see opportunities and possibilities to move more rapidly toward your goals. Planning and Organizing Take a few minutes, preferably the night before, to plan out every activity of the coming day. Always work from a list. Always think on paper. This is one of the most powerful and important disciplines of all for high performance. Priority Setting The essence of all time management, personal management, and life management is contained in your ability to set proper priorities and use of your time. This is essential for high performance. Concentration on your Highest-Value Activities Your ability to work single-mindedly on your most important task will contribute as much to your success as any other discipline you can develop. Exercise and Proper Nutrition Your health is more important than anything else. By disciplining yourself to exercise regularly and to eat carefully, you will promote the highest possible levels of health and fitness throughout your life. Learning and Growth Your mind is like a muscle. If you don’t use it, you lose it. Continuous learning is the minimum requirement for success in any field. Time for Important People in your Life Relationships are everything. Be sure that in climbing the ladder of success, you do not find it leaning against the wrong building. Make time for your relationships every day, no matter how busy you get. These will help ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

SIGNS OF GREATNESS

You have to love the Rugby World Cup and all the highs and lows that go with top level sport. One team is enjoying success and the other is in the pit of disappointment. Thats the difference between the average and the top of their game. The average person quits at the first failure they encounter. That’s why there have been many average men throughout the years and only one Edison or someone who stands up and makes a difference. I believe that one of the best ways to get what we want, is to look at people who have been successful and follow in their footsteps. So it is with Edison. He demonstrated what is needed to be the best we can be... Thomas Edison observed that the reason most folks don’t recognize opportunity when it comes knocking is that it is often dressed in overalls and looks like work. Edison knew that anything worthwhile never comes easily; if it were easy, anyone could do it. Because he persisted far beyond the point the average person would consider reasonable and rational, he produced inventions that even the most learned people of the day considered impossible. Great advances in knowledge are often achieved by people with an almost fanatical devotion to finding the solution to a problem. Flashes of inspiration alone are not enough to ensure success; they must be followed by determined, persistent action. So as we enter the final stages of the Rugby World Cup, take note of those who have persisted and overcome, they have a commitment to be the best they can be. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

What you think becomes what you see

Your Belief Becomes Your Reality

Perhaps the most powerful single factor in your financial success is your beliefs about yourself and money. We call this the Law of Belief. It says simply this: Whatever you believe, with feeling, becomes your reality. Whatever you intensely believe becomes your reality. That we have a tendency to block out any information coming in to us that is inconsistent with our reality.

What we've discovered is that successful people absolutely believe that they have the ability to succeed. And they will not entertain, think about, or talk about the possibilities that they'll fail. They do not even consider the possibility of failure.

You always act in a matter consistent with your beliefs. The most important belief system you can build is a prosperity consciousness where you absolutely believe that you are going achieve your financial goals. We call this positive knowing versus positive thinking. Positive thinking can sometimes be wishing or hoping. But positive knowing is when you absolutely know that no matter what, you will be successful.

Another principle related to your beliefs is willpower. We know that willpower is essential to any success. Willpower is based on confidence. It's based on conviction. It's based on faith. It's based on your belief in your ability to triumph over all obstacles. And you can develop willpower by persistence, by working on your goals, by reading the biographies of successful people, by listening to audio programs, by reading books about people who've achieved success. The more information you take into your mind consistent with success, the more likely it is that you will develop the willpower to push you through the obstacles and difficulties you will experience.

Remember that success is rare. Only one person in one hundred becomes wealthy in the course of a lifetime. Only five percent achieve financial independence. That means that the odds against you are 19-to-1. The only way that you're going to achieve your financial goals is if you get really serious. To succeed, you must get serious. You must get busy. You must get active. You must get going. Remember, everything counts.

Self-mastery, self-control, self-discipline are essential for anyone who wants to achieve greatly. And control over your thoughts is the hardest exercise in self-mastery that you will ever engage in. See if you can talk and think about only what you desire and not talk or think about anything that you don't want for 24 hours. Then you'll see what you're really made of. It's a hard thing to do but with practice, you can reach the point where you are thinking about your goals and desires most of the time. Then, your whole life will change for the better.

What makes a leader?

I have been thinking about how I can become better in a leadership capacity.
Like anything we can always improve.
This is a list that I like to use and reflect on and ask how am I measuring against them.

• Personal initiative.
• The adoption of a definite major purpose.
• A motive to inspire continuous action in pursuit of a definite major purpose.
• A Master mind alliance through which you may acquire the power to attain your definite purpose.
• Self-reliance in proportion to the scope and object of your major purpose.
• Self-discipline sufficient to insure mastery of the head and the heart, and to sustain your motives until they have been realized.
• Persistence, based on the will to win.
• A well-developed imagination, controlled and directed.
• The habit of reaching definite and prompt decisions.
• The habit of basing opinions on known facts instead of relying on guesswork.
• The habit of going the extra mile.
• The capacity to generate enthusiasm at will, and to control it.
• A well-developed sense of details.
• The capacity to take criticism without resentment.
• Familiarity with the ten basic motives that inspire all human action.
• The capacity to concentrate your full attention upon one task at a time.
• Willingness to accept full responsibility for the mistakes of subordinates.
• The habit of recognizing the merits and abilities of others.
• A positive mental attitude at all times.
• The habit of assuming full responsibility for any job or task undertaken.
• The capacity for applied faith.
• Patience with subordinates and associates.
• The habit of following through with any task once begun.
• The habit of emphasizing thoroughness instead of speed.
• Dependability, the only requirement of leadership that can be stated with one word – but no less important to success on that account.

Food for thought.

Fraser

Doing the best we can!!!!

It is very easy to slip into same old same old. Something I do to help avoid this, is to ask myself if I am doing the best I can? Am I performing excellence in all I do?
So today I wanted to share some ideas on excellence:

“With regard to excellence, it’s not enough to know, but we must try to have and use it.” Aristotle

Developing excellence doesn’t happen overnight. There are no quick and easy ways to develop excellence in our families, lives or careers. We can’t attend a seminar and as a result magically become excellent. We can’t read a book and have it all figured out in a day. And we can’t just tell ourselves we have excellence and then automatically possess it. Developing excellence takes time; it’s hard work and can take a lifetime to develop.

The word excellence is defined as the quality of excelling, possessing good qualities in high degree. It also means to excel in something. The word excellent means something is very good of its kind, eminently good or first class. In other words, something that is excellent is superior.

Excellence is not perfection. It’s not performing flawlessly or without mistakes. Excellence is a process and developing excellence is a mind-set, a mind-set that says, “I’m working toward excelling at something and I desire to possess good qualities in high degree.” It can also mean that I am striving to be excellent, a mind-set that says, “I want to be very good at what I do. I want my life and work to be superior.”

Developing excellence is a process in which we strive to excel and live a life full of good qualities. Excellence is not a one-time event – it’s a way of life. And to possess anything in high degree or to be first class, we need to practice.

Practice

In my own life I haven’t always liked to practice. This is probably the reason I was never good in sports. I always wanted to be good without the practice it took to get good. I wanted results without the work. Unfortunately, that’s not possible. To achieve anything in life we must work at it. We must practice it. And then we become excellent.
Practise doesn't make perfect....perfect pratise makes perfect.

I’ve spent many years trying to do things quickly and wanting results fast. When I published my first book, I wrote it quickly, got it published and went out into the marketplace to begin selling it. I didn’t do any research, ask for any feedback or make a plan as to how I would sell it. I just did it.

And while I’m glad I did it, I would do it differently if I had it to do over again. I would have taken more time, asked for feedback and done research on books similar to mine. I would have asked more questions, taken more time to brainstorm and been willing to be critiqued.

Live Without Regret

Being excellent also means living without regret.I believe developing excellence means we learn from the past and use it to excel in our future endeavors. It’s not about bashing ourselves for past mistakes – that only keeps us from developing excellence. Developing excellence means learning from the past, deciding what worked and what could have worked better, and then applying our learnings to future projects.

Some of the things I learned from my first publishing experience can apply to all areas of my life.

I learned to slow down and think through any project before forging ahead.

I learned to let go of my need for immediate results.

I learned to look at the big picture before moving ahead.

I learned to ask for help and to get feedback from people I trust.

I learned to research my ideas and the resources available.

Another Chance

One of the neatest things about developing excellence is that we always have another chance – we’re never done. Developing excellence is a work in progress.

I now have an opportunity to apply what I learned from my first book and use the knowledge as I begin writing my second book. I did my homework this time. I asked for feedback, held a focus group and researched my market. I’ve also taken the time to let my ideas come to life and to really think about the focus of my book, its audience and the results I desire through this publishing effort.

It feels good to be able to put into practice some new ways of developing excellence. I know my business will never be perfect but I’m committed to continually developing excellence in business and in my personal life.

And as you take steps to further create excellence in you life, remember to practice, live without regret and take full advantage of second chances.

7 Keys to Developing Excellence

Take the time. Excellence takes time. Be patient with yourself, as results do not always come overnight.

Think through the process. No matter what type of project you are undertaking, be sure to think through the entire process. Look at the big picture or end results before diving in.

Be persistent. Keep moving forward despite setbacks. Things will get in the way – that’s life. Just keep moving ahead and you’ll develop more excellence in your life.

Ask for feedback. Receiving feedback is a great way to make sure your project will get the results you desire and it may keep you from going down the wrong path. Though receiving feedback is not always fun, just remember it will help you develop excellence.

Study excellence. Research your ideas as well as any experts in your field. There are people out there who have accomplished what you want to accomplish – study them. Learn how they accomplished their goals and look for the ways they were excellent.

Practice new techniques. Practice makes excellence. You will never be perfect at anything but you can be excellent at many things.

Celebrate small successes. It’s essential to recognize your achievements, no matter how small. If you have taken steps toward excellence development and have results – applaud yourself!

Make it a habit!!!

Thriving on What Is

I have just finished my Level 2 coaching and have been thinking about what is next on my journey....

It is so easy to look around at life and assume that life needs fixing to make it right. We don't have to go much farther than the evening news to notice what's wrong with the world: the violence, hunger, corruption, environmental issues and so on. We want to do something to be a part of the solution, rather than a part of the problem, whether it is through outer social action, through financial support good organizations or through working on ourselves. We notice so little change from our actions and wonder what else can be done. We pray, we meditate, we wonder...

The orientation of seeing a world that needs fixing to be the "right" world can actually be deconstructed if we are willing to explore that. The beginning point is in the realization that we are thinking that we know what a "right" world would look like. We think that rape and murder and awful things like that can obviously be known to be "wrong" and a "right" world would not contain things like that. But look again at the way that we know this... what is it based on? Do we really have the big picture, or are we making judgments about right and wrong based on our own personal tendency to want to avoid pain and move towards pleasure? Of course we want to avoid pain and wishing that others avoid pain too is just an extension of our own preferences to include the world. In a way, if my neighbor is hurting, I am hurting with him or her. We are all in this together.

But if we look at our own lives with honesty and open-mindedness, is it clear that avoidance of pain is the "right" thing for us personally? Have pain and suffering played a role in our lives that in hindsight we respect? Most often the answer is yes. If we look deeply into the painful points in our history, these are the growing points, the places where new energy and new life has had an opportunity to enter our lives because the old patterns have been destroyed or disrupted by some loss, accident, crime or sickness. These things make us move on, even if it is through touching into the depths of despair.

Meanwhile life just is what it is. Without our having decided that it is supposed to look a certain way, or end up a certain way, it just is what it is. Not only that but also, it just ends up the way it ends up. Far from being the invitation to idleness that this may initially seem (but really is not at all) the above are just plain statements of what is so, at least before our judging/thinking minds get started. When I look into this it seems clear that we really don't know what should or shouldn't be happening in ourselves or in the world. Just because we may feel a dark emotion and start behaving badly towards our loved ones, do we know that this is "wrong"? Do we actually know that we are a bad person because this has occurred? Could the experience instead be looked at as developmentally necessary, helpful and illuminating? Could this alternate perspective actually be a way out of the endless repetition of our patterns?

Do we know for sure that the car accident or the crime in today's news should not have happened? The latest war casualties? Although mind will claim to be sure that these things are wrong, are we certain that they really are? Are we certain that something critical won't be changed by this "bad" happening that will make all the difference in some significant "good" happening later that we care even more about? Do we know for sure that the critical world situation (being a threat to our survival as a species) is not exactly the circumstance that will motivate a positive response that otherwise would not have been dreamed of?

Accepting our own not-knowing gives us entry into a new relationship with the world and with our own selves. If we don't spend all of our energies resisting what is, we can open up a deeper relationship to it. Our own dark feelings become pointers into whatever in us is still needing to be awakened. The negative situations in the world become as important a part of things as the positives, maybe more, as we accept them as having a part to play.

Without resisting what is, we are able to connect more fully with ourselves and our world, and through this deeper contact we are nourished. While mind was busy resisting the "wrongness" in ourselves and our world, our heart connection was jammed-up with judgment. Through acceptance of what is, we can begin to feel more deeply and be nourished not only by the positive happenings in ourselves and in life, but also by the negatives. They are also being welcomed in our open-heartedness, and through this welcoming we are able to thrive in the world as it is, rather than starve in a mentally constructed world of lack and disconnection.

What could be a more perfect example of thriving on what is, than the summer flowers.

What better example of us each doing our own part and tending to our own blossoming without judgment about whether it is "right" or "wrong" or if its going to end well or not. The flowers all just end up on the compost heap and back into the soil!

Sure, ok, they don't have these minds to contend with, it's true, so maybe its totally easy for them. But they show up in our gardens and homes as an example of the extraordinary yet fleeting beauty that we experience in this thing called life, and how little we need to refer to our ideas about right and wrong or good or bad to come to blossom in a totally unique, natural and easeful way. We draw nourishment from the ground of all that has come and gone before us into our own expression of who we are, and then let that go back again to the ground. Just the way it is.

Till next time....

Excellence

Fo those who know me well, know that something I strive for and expect of myself is Excellence. I recently came across this outstanding article and wanted to share it with you:

Quality Is Not a Thing, It's a Way

By Harvey Mackay

I recently had the opportunity to speak to members of the Food Processing Suppliers Association. In doing my preparation, one thing that kept coming up was food safety. One mistake can destroy a company.

How would you like to deal with that kind of pressure? I bet if you asked most businesspeople if they could be 99.9% perfect, they'd take it. In some industries that might cut the mustard, but it certainly won't in others.

If everyone achieved 99.9% quality, according to Insight Syncrude Canada Ltd., this is what could happen:

· Two plane landings daily at O'Hare International Airport in Chicago would be unsafe.

· The IRS would lose two million documents this year.

· 22,000 checks would be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next 60 minutes.

· 1,314 phone calls would be misplaced every minute.

· 12 babies would be given to the wrong parents each day.

· 268,500 defective tires would be shipped this year.

· 103,208 income tax returns would be processed incorrectly this year.

· 2,488,200 books with the wrong cover would be shipped in the next 12 months.

· 5,517,200 cases of soft drinks produced in the next 12 months would be flatter than a bad tire.

· 3,056 copies of tomorrow's Wall Street Journal would be missing one of the three sections.

· 18,322 pieces of mail would be mishandled in the next hour.

· 880,000 credit cards in circulation would turn out to have incorrect cardholder information on their magnetic strips.

· 20,000 incorrect drug prescriptions would be written in the next 12 months.

· 114,500 mismatched pairs of shoes would be shipped this year.

· 107 incorrect medical procedures would be performed by the end of the day today.

When I founded Mackay Envelope Company many years ago, every time we landed a new account we checked and double-checked the first order to make certain it was correct. Nothing is more destructive to a company's bottom line and its relations with customers than defective products. We still test throughout the manufacturing process and then test again just before shipping. Then we test the testers to make sure they know what they're doing.

Quality is a mindset. It must be an obsession. It has to be part of a company's culture. You can't just talk about it. You have to practice it every day for years.

As Aristotle said, "Quality is not an act. It is a habit."

Have you ever seen a team run on the field yelling, "We want to be number two?" Everyone wants to be #1. Those who actually achieve it are those who are willing to put the blood, sweat, and tears into their effort.

The American Society for Quality Control published a booklet many years ago called "The Hare and the Tortoise Revisited: The Businessman's Guide to Continuous Quality Improvement." One story tells about a Japanese quality expert who stresses the need for patience and discipline. He likens the quality process to farming bamboo. Once the bamboo seed is planted, the farmer waters it every day. He does that for four years before the tree even breaks ground. But when it finally does, it grows 60 feet in the next 90 days.

It's that kind of commitment to the long view that marks the companies which have been most successful in achieving outstanding quality.

Bottom line: Quality products and quality service begin with quality thinking, and it's the same in any business. Everyone talks about quality, but customers can quickly figure out who is willing to make the required effort. And those businesses have a very good chance of sticking around for a very long time.
Quality comes from pride. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. So you need to autograph your work with excellence.

If it's almost right, it's wrong.

Mackay's Moral: The difference between failure and success is the difference between doing a thing nearly right and doing it exactly right.

Food for thought.

Food for thought

I just finished spending 2 days recovering from a belt of illness. I came accross this article by Darren Hardy the editor of the success magazine. I thought it was worth sharinf. Especially since I wasn't feeling too well.

Tips for becoming what you want:

1. Be real, be transparent, be authentic and be yourself… I mean your REAL self. Too often people spend incredible amounts of energy trying to project themselves as something they’re not. Most of their conversation is spent trying to impress and they think they have everyone snookered.

Here is the reality: no one is fooled. People are always transparent… even when they think they aren’t. I’m sure you meet people all the time who say all the right things, look the part, but you just know, in your gut, even if you can’t put your intellectual finger on it, that they are full of hooey.

We are all intuitive and sensitive beings. We can feel the truth. We can sense authenticity and we can sense when it isn’t present. Projecting pretense only pushes people away from you—quickly and regularly. Your real self—the one that isn’t king of the hill, has fears, is concerned about family and has a genuine passion for a product, service or helping other people succeed—is far more attractive to people than anything else.

I think the era of “fake it till you make it” of the ‘80s and ‘90s has passed. People are smarter today and more than ever are looking for authenticity. Now let me be clear, no matter where you are in your business, in your financial success or in life, I DO want you to start dressing the part and walking the walk. I want you to start representing your elevated self. I want those things to be demonstrations of your new commitment to be better, show up better and live better. I’m talking about not fibbing on the truth.

2. Treat people… like people. I remember a mentor of mine when I was in real estate corrected me on this. I was having a discussion and I showed him my “Hit List” of target prospects. He said, “Hit List? Who wants to be your next HIT?! These are real people, real families, who will be going through one of the most emotional transactions of their life, involving the most valuable asset they own—their home. Not until this list is considered the list of those families whom you will help, protect and fight for next, will they be interested in what you have to say.” That was great advice. It is not just semantics; it is an entirely different philosophy, mindset and emotional approach to every conversation and human interaction.

Don’t treat people like targets, capital, pawns or even prospects or just customers. Treat people like people… people with real desires, fears, hopes, wishes, worries, dreams and ambitions… just like you.

3. Take a sincere interest in other people. The best way to do this is to talk less and listen more. Make fewer statements, ask more questions. Everyone wants to work on their script: What do I say? Instead, it’s better to work on your questions. What questions will draw people out so they talk about their real values, interests, hopes and desires. Once others express what they really want, it’s much easier to match your potential solution to their real and personally expressed needs.

4. Always be positive. Be the one who brightens a room and every conversation you enter. It is easy to pile on to a complaint fest or add to the rousing gossip, but you will actually be perceived better by others if you don’t join them in that talk.

I am always supremely impressed when I witness someone turn down the opportunity to talk negatively about someone else, even if it would have been only to agree with the one speaking or join the company of misery talk.

Let your reputation and brand become those of positivity, grace and class. These rare qualities are what people look for in others. Be the standout.

5. Recognize others. Give people honest and sincere appreciation. Take a page from Catherine the Great’s book: “Praise loudly, blame softly.” Catch people doing things right and acknowledge them. Congratulate others on their accomplishments; celebrate others’ victories. Find at least a dozen ways to compliment, congratulate or appreciate someone else’s work, contribution or successes every day.

Be so busy giving other people recognition that you don’t need any yourself. Do that and people will swarm to you like bees to honey.

6. Give. Most people are only after getting… and they wonder why they don’t. Look for ways to contribute, provide, help, offer and assist. This goes back to the golden rule of relationships that Zig Ziglar taught us, “You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” Give first, give often and give last. Give, give and give.

I see my relationships as bank accounts (psychologically, not emotionally), the more I deposit the more valuable I am to that person and the more I have on account with them. There might come a time when I need to make a small withdrawal, but I always want to be on the positive side of the ledger. My objective is to create a great surplus of wealth in as many accounts (or people) as possible by depositing as much as I can as often as I can.

I hope you enjoyed some fresh food for thought from Darren.

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