Abandonment

This time of the year many people feel alone and isolated. It is always good to think back to that first Christmas and see that even Jesus didn't go alone. Most of us are incapable of “going it alone.” Whether it is in our careers, our personal relationships, or in life, we all need others if we are to achieve the level of success we desire. Besides, what’s the point of having it all if we have no one we care about to share it? You may choose to work with others, you may ignore them, or you may choose to work against them, but the greatest successes in life come to those who work harmoniously with others. When your personal goals coincide with those of another, not only does the power of your combined labors benefit you, but such cooperation also creates a synergistic effect that allows you to achieve far more than the simple sum of your individual efforts. Remember Jesus called on the wise men to help on his special day. This year on Christmas day, take some time to think about the people who have helped you. www.fraserstirling.co.nz Igniting lives on fire.

How to create joy each day?

I was in a meeting last night and we were talking about what we know and don't know. While it seems easier for some people to smile and always seem happy, I got thinking that people who might not smile as often and seem distracted may not have had the time to look at how to bring joy into their l;ives each day. “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo F. Buscaglia Actually, there isn’t any art behind it. Just that you were born to be happy, and you can show this happiness with that beautiful smile of yours. C’mon! Let’s see it. Okay, good. To some extent, we all know how to spot a genuine smile, basically this formula: Genuine Smile = Crinkly Eyes We are all sensitive to this genuine scale, so why then is it that when we cross paths with a stranger or casual acquaintance in the elevator, we give them a fake smile? That ‘polite smile’. You know what I’m talking about (don’t get me wrong, I do this too, unconscious at grocery stores, on streets, while waiting for something.). The lesson? Smile with your eyes! Feel it genuinely and it will come out naturally. Extras: check out this quick interactive quiz from BBC to test out your ability to spot the difference between a real smile and a fake one. Note: I am now smiling as I write this article. I love it! Thank you for reading and allowing me to express myself creatively. A smile is so simple, yet so powerful. Some noticeable effects of externalizing your internal joy are: People will be attracted to you – I don’t mean sexually (well, maybe that too), but people will feel drawn to your energy. When you smile more, you will carry an aura and poise that will draw people to you. People will look forward to being around you, knowing only that they feel great around you. People on the street, at work, your friends etc. We all like and want to be around happy and cheerful people, right? Optimistic – You’ll feel more positive about yourself and the world. Happiness & Joy – A smile is an expression of happiness and joy in you. Like an upward spiral, a smile will boost the happiness you feel. Healthy – A smile can affect your internal state, which can have physiological impact on your physical and mental health. Approachable – A smile is so welcoming and will make people feel more at ease. Making Other People Happy – A smile has the power to make other people feel good about themselves. It’s heart-warming and has the power to cheer up others instantly. Smiles Are Contagious – Others can quickly and easily catch it and will experience the above ‘side effects’. Take The Smiling Challenge! Smile at Strangers -You know those times when we cross paths with a stranger or accidentally catch someone’s gaze, and we (both) would suddenly look away in awkwardness or pretend we are looking at something else? Well, the challenge is to give them a big smile. A genuine smile, showing teeth and everything. Deepak Chopra talks about giving each person you encounter a small gift. I do this with a smile. Why not? It doesn’t cost us anything. Plus, it’s a lot more fun than feeling awkward and pretending you’re not there.I also love to see people’s reactions when you smile at them, and they aren’t expecting it. Some blush, and others are surprised and smile back, which makes me feel all warm inside. Smile at Work -Living under a routine, we can easily be in a zombie-like state when coming into work. We zip into work quickly following the same routines we’ve habituated. Our target is to get to work, and we can sometimes forget about the people around us, in other cubes/offices/departments. So, the challenge is to practice beaming with smile as you come into work. Smile genuinely with people you meet. Be completely pleased to see them. Make it a focus for the day, to bring more happiness into the lives of others. Ask them genuinely and infused with energy, “How are ya?” “How was your weekend?” Watch the smiles surface on their face. A Small Compliment with Your Smile -When meeting or encountering people. Look for things you admire or like about them, however small, let them know. A small genuine compliment can go a long way to lift people’s spirits. I’ve found it useful to be conscious of things that make me smile. You might want to spend a few minutes making a list of things that brings a smile to your face. Some Moments That Make Me Smile are: When Zippy (my 10 week Jack Russel) growls me for not getting her into the room (She's only 10-12 cm tall and I am 6foot). When I practice gratitude ‘sessions’ When I reach mini goals throughout the day. When I read comments left by readers. More Tips To Bring Smiles into Your Life Smiling Journal – For two weeks, record the moments that brought out your wonderful smile. If you are ever feel down, flip through this book to be reminded of things that make you smile. Experience those moments and notice your state shift to a positive one. You cannot be both angry and smiling at the same time. I learned in physiological psychology that if the physical action conflicts with that of your feeling, the feeling inside will shift to match that of your outer sensation. One way to shift your emotion is to change your physiology.A journal will bring smiles through noticing the good things as well. Appreciation – Identify things that you are grateful for. Then focus on those things as much as possible. Humor – Make a point to watch a comedy movie. To go a comedy club. Hang out with people who make you laugh. Go On a Self Date – When we feel more connected with ourselves, we feel more joy and tend to naturally smile more. Find Innocence - Observe a small child or a pet at play with total ease and freedom. Watch their innocence, enjoy their presence and yours. Are you smiling? Do you feel happy for them? That’s because you are connecting with the same innocence within yourself. What makes you smile? Who made you smile today? Share your joy and happiness in a comment! See you there. *smiles* Ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

HOW TO BE HAPPY

One thing I love doing, is listening to CD's from todays giants. Today I was listening to a classic power talk CD from Tony Robbins. He spoke about Happiness and mans endless pursuit of it. Throughout the day I was pondering the content of his talk. Today I thought I would share some ideas around happiness and how to find it. What follows are some great strategies for finding happiness. Look for ways to apply the ideas you learn into your life. What if we could go through life without worrying about money, jobs, kids, relationships, and just be happy? Happiness is not a destination. It is a positive feeling of appreciation, gratitude, and contentment about our current situation. We achieve this feeling by focusing on and acknowledging all the good things in our lives. Abraham Lincoln said: "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." It's really not so much what happens to us in life, but how we respond to those happenings. Step #1 Make The Choice... Regardless of the situation or circumstances, we get to choose whether we want to feel happy and energized, or miserable and lethargic. Obviously, we will feel better if we respond to life with positive energy and a plan for moving forward. Taking the low road by moaning and groaning about life's injustices can only lead to anger, resentment and frustration. What a lot of wasted energy! That doesn't mean the high road is easy. Often our first impulse when something unexpected happens is to tense up, burst into tears, throw a tantrum, or look for something or someone to blame. This is a typical knee-jerk response that is related to our basic survival instinct. Acknowledge this instinct and then take a deep breath. Stop and reflect. Ask yourself: How do I want to feel? What do I want? (What is the desired outcome?) Step #2 Let Go... What's on your unhappiness laundry list? Go ahead; make that list. Here are some samples: 1. Not enough money. 2. Too busy. 3. Betsy is always in a bad mood. 4. Bruce never does want I want him to. 5. My sister acts so nasty toward me. There's no reason for her to be nasty! What can you do to change each of these unhappiness items? I'll give you some hints. 1. I'm so grateful for the money we do have. I'm also grateful that we live in a world of opportunities where we can always look for ways to augment our income. 2. I enjoy managing my time well, so I never have to feel that I'm too busy to read stories to my children, or create a wonderful bedtime experience for them when they can share all the events of the day with me. 3. I'm going to do something special for Betsy today. I know she's depressed about being overweight. I'm going to compliment her on her computer skills; she's a genius and I think she doesn't really know that. 4. Bruce is only two years old and he's eager to test his wings. I will be loving and firm with him, letting him know who's in charge. I'll make the rules into a game. 5. Repeat Number 3 with a variation. What would make your sister feel special, loved, wanted, and needed? Place those negative feelings into the washing machine and add plenty of detergent. How many people do you know who can still recall some of the terrible things that happened to them years, even decades ago? I know a woman in her mid-sixties who can still remember names that the "mean kids" called her in school years. That's a long time to carry around that memory. I wonder if she remembers any of the compliments her grade school friends paid her. For some reason, our minds tend to store "junk." We hold on to all the bad things that people have said or done to us through the years. Over and over in our heads, we replay tape loop of life's injustices: justifying our hurt, anger, or bitterness. Why? Why hold on to all of that? Make a list of reasons. Can you come up with at least one reason for keeping yourself in a state of feeling bad, resentful, angry or depressed?? What is the pay-off? Release the junk. Make room for more joy! Step #3 Be Grateful... Being thankful for what you have and who you are is critical to the way you feel about yourself and your situation. It's so easy to focus on what's going wrong, but why not be thankful for what's going right? Again, we are deciding to feel this way, based not so much on what is happening around us, but with what is happening within us. Our bodies respond with a powerful, positive sensation when we express our gratitude; it is that sensation that creates happiness. Focusing on good things makes us feel good. Has anyone ever paid you a compliment that you didn't accept? For example, has someone told you your new dress is very becoming and you responded by saying, "Oh, this old thing?" Maybe at work someone complimented you on a job well done and you responded, "It was nothing." Why is it often difficult to accept a compliment? Why can't we be grateful and just say "thank you"? When we decline a compliment, we think we are being humble, but the message it delivers to our subconscious is altogether different. Rejection of a compliment sends a message to the brain that we are not pretty, or smart, or hard working! This response also makes the person who paid us the compliment feel bad because we didn't accept it. When we are grateful and accept the kind words someone has given us, it makes us feel good inside. That compliment is stored in our "hard drive," and continues to deliver positive energy. Have an attitude of gratitude. Make a choice to be grateful and happy. Be grateful for the job you have, even if you are not happy in that job. Be grateful for your co-workers, even though they may drive you crazy. Be grateful for your boss who is hard on you, but also challenges you, and makes you stretch further than you thought you could. I guarantee if you will start being grateful for the things in your life that make you happy, or even unhappy, you will experience a wonderful upsurge of new energy. Suddenly, change is in the air! You might arrive at work one day and notice that you really do enjoy your job and appreciate the uniqueness of your co-workers. You might even think everyone else has changed, but it's really you who flipped the switch to the Happiness Channel. Why not give that flip-switch a try? The alternative is staying exactly where you are; and if that doesn't feel good, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Make the step today and ignite the fire within. www.fraserstirling.co.nz

If you’re so smart why aren’t you living your dreams?

Let me ask you this question: 

Have you ever wondered why someone read a book and became wealthy while thousands or even million others read the same book and are still struggling?

Let me ask the same question another way.

Have you ever seen people who don’t seem to have one quarter of your education but are living large and doing extremely well whereas you may be having a hard time trying to achieve your dream? Is it because that person is lucky? Is it because that person happens to be in the right place at the right time? Well, sometimes that may be true.

However, I believe if you want to be lucky, be the best at what you do. And, in order to be at the right place at the right time, you have got to be at many places all the time. All right, if it’s neither luck nor being at the right place, what is it? 

Great question! Let me answer it with a powerful illustration.

This is my tennis racket. These are my tennis balls.

I don’t know how to play tennis. I don’t even know how to hold the racket. So, why do I have the balls and the racket?

Because I a racket and some tennis balls, does that make me a tennis player? The answer is obviously no.

Now, when do I become a tennis player? When I actually get on the court to practice and play! That is when I start taking action. Until then I will always be a spectator. Here’s my point: most people in life are spectators.

Very few people are players. The spectators read a book or attend a seminar and get very excited in a moment. But then, they don’t get on the court to play or put into application what they learn. The players do just the opposite.

Are you a player or a spectator? Are you living your life or someone else's?  Let me tell you, the spectators tend to always know what the players should have done. Have you ever heard the fans screaming and cursing at the players for mistakes? I’m talking about the player haters. You know what? I don’t want you to be a spectator. Be a player instead.

Now, take a good look at your knowledge, degrees, and whatever education you have. They are your racket and tennis balls. It’s time to stop carrying them in the trunk of your brain. It’s time to play!

Before I wrap up, let me say this: In life you’re either creating or consuming. When you’re creating, you’re playing and when you’re consuming, you’re a spectator. Which one do you want to be? The reality is, every time you’re learning, you’re consuming. You’re being a spectator.

Spectators don’t make money, they spend money. The players do. Got it? Great!

Always ask yourself this question when you are doing anything: “Am I being a player or a spectator?” Right now you’re being a spectator. It’s time to play. Go create something. Be a player. Take action on what you learn. And, by the way, you don’t have to start big. Do anything that makes you feel like you’re playing.

It is time to ignite the fire within.

www.fraserstirling.co.nz

Giving Thanks

I have been reminded of the importance of being thankful for where we are and what we have.

If you've been on your own personal development journey for
any amount of time you've undoubtedly met with some
challenges along the way. Challenges aren't a bad thing.
They can certainly be difficult, but provided we are willing
to accept it as part of the process, they can bring forth
some pretty awesome opportunities from which to grow and
become better for having experienced them.

Again, it's not about things being easy, it's about working
through whatever you happen to be facing, and ultimately
accepting that you will emerge better and more prepared as a
result of having overcome or worked through whatever given
adversities you've had to deal with.

Gratitude -- a source of fuel to move you forward during the
difficult times...

I found the following definition of gratitude: "a feeling of
thankfulness and appreciation."

While that definition is a good start, I think gratitude is
so much more than that. Particularly when we begin to
explore all the different  ways it can serve us.

Something magical happens when you and I take the time to
recount all the things we have to be thankful for in our
lives. The past, present, and even the hopes we have for the
future.

First, a sense of gratitude allows us to reconnect with our
past achievements. This can serve as a powerful reminder
that in-spite of whatever doubts we may have about our
abilities in the present moment, we are capable of reaching
whatever destination we desire for ourselves. That is to say
that we can change our circumstances and lot in life to a
more desirable one.

The proof is found in the very fact that in the past we have
done so, and as such we are more than capable of doing so
again. Looking back on, and reconnecting with positive
experiences and past achievements as you can see is a
particularly powerful way to go about providing fuel for
your current goals and dreams.

If you will accept the ideas above to be true then the
question inevitably becomes what is the best way to go about
expressing gratitude in your day to day life. The answer, to
put it bluntly is to express it however it most feels right
to you!

Since I don't know what that is in your unique situation
I'll have to settle on showing you some of the ways I go
about it on a daily basis. Before I do so, please keep in
mind what I often say, "personal development is a hands on
project", which is to say that other people's ideas are
great, but you should be looking for ways to adapt and make
whatever ideas you want to try your own.

Don't assume that something doesn't work because it isn't a
fit for you. While at the same time, don't assume something
is wrong with you because a particular idea isn't right for
you. It's not about right or wrong. It's about adapting what
works into your life, and giving yourself permission to kick
to the curb whatever doesn't happen to resonate with you.

Now that I've gotten that rather long disclaimer out of the
way, as promised here are some of the ideas I use to allow
gratitude to work in my life.

1. Upon waking up I begin running through my mind various
things I'm thankful for. Inevitably one thing, person, or
event will lead to another. This is a very laid back
experience, all the while I'm trying to remain in the
moment, but not forcing it. If I find my mind moving onto
other thoughts or ideas I'll gently bring myself back to
this simple exercise.

When I do this, almost immediately I can see my current
state perk up a bit -- and I take on a more positive
outlook. I find it a simple, yet highly effective way to
start my day off on the right foot. I believe you will as
well!

2. Throughout the day, I like to write down and record what
I call my "daily wins". It's worth pointing out that these
aren't always monumental achievements. In fact, to the
outside observer many of the accomplishments which get
written down might appear down right mundane.

The point of the exercise mentioned above is to remind
myself of something I discovered a long time ago. That
being, the idea that what it takes to meet with success in
virtually any endeavor requires a lot of little
accomplishments along the way.

When I'm speaking to groups I'll often say that the path to
"success" is paved with more than its share of boring
moments. Meaning that contrary to popular opinion, when one
looks back on a worthwhile accomplishment, there's rarely
one particular event with which they can credit being
totally responsible for having allowed them to reach the
pinnacle of success.

Rather, if we're honest with ourselves we would likely have
to agree that more often then not it's a matter of doing
those tasks, day in and day out which were required of us.
The journey, you see, takes many forms. Certainly at times
things are fast paced and exciting, but at others
persistence and stick-to-itness are required.

If you're not already tracking your day to day achievements
I'd strongly encourage you to get started. The benefits of
doing so are many, not the least of which is that you'll
have a trail to look back and read over when you find
yourself feeling as though you're not quite as plugged into
your dream as you wish you were. You'll have proof positive
that you're making progress right in front of you. Then, at
the end of each day as you look through your list of "wins"
you can take a moment to be grateful.

3. Take a walk and literally recite out loud to yourself all
the things, people, and experiences for which you have to be
grateful for. I have to give credit to my colleague, friend,
and fellow speaker & author Jon Gordon (www.jongordon.com)
for this idea.

While I had actually been doing this for a long time prior
to first hearing Jon mention it, he deserves credit for
putting the name "gratitude walk" to it, and in turn helping
to validate in my mind that it was a worthwhile thing to do
(and that no matter what my neighbors who happened to see me
talking to myself might think, I wasn't actually nuts for
doing so. ha ha :-)).

It sounds like a simple idea, but I would challenge you to
give it a try. If you will do so, I believe that in
relatively short order you'll find it to be a welcome
addition to your routine.

As I've illustrated above, expressing gratitude is a
powerful thing. It can literally change your state from one
in which you may be feeling doubt towards one of hope, and a
sense of literally being filled with encouragement. It can
put you in a mode to accept the good that surrounds all of
us, while acting as a sort of shield from the part of our
minds that wants to seek out and look for the negatives in
life. Give it a a few of the ideas above a try. If you have
other ideas which work for you I would appreciate it if you
would share them!

Igniting the Fire Within!!!
Fraser

Little things matter

I was thinking about how I have been weary over the last few weeks and thought about all the little thoughts matter. Just like a rain drop alone does not make much difference, but if I add lots of thoughts with it, then it can become an issue. Theat reminded me of how the universe only mirrors what I give out.

Life is Really Very Simple. What We Give Out, We Get Back

What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. I believe that everyone, myself included, is responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by our thoughts and our feelings. The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.

We create the situations, and then we give our power away by blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place, and no thing has any power over us, for "we" are the only thinkers in it. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives.

Which of these statements sounds like you?

"People are out to get me."
"Everyone is always helpful."

Each one of these beliefs will create quite different experiences. What we believe about ourselves and about life becomes true for us.

The Universe Totally Supports Us in Every Thought We Choose to Think and Believe

Put another way, our subconscious mind accepts whatever we choose to believe. They both mean that what I believe about myself and about life becomes true for me. What you choose to think about yourself and about life becomes true for you. And we have unlimited choices about what we can think.

When we know this, then it makes sense to choose "Everyone is always helpful," rather than "People are out to get me."

The Universal Power Never Judges or Criticizes Us

It only accepts us at our own value. Then it reflects our beliefs in our lives. If I want to believe that life is lonely and that nobody loves me, then that is what I will find in my world.

Till next time

Fraser

Being Real

Most people live their entire lives never finding their authentic self. They never find the person they were meant to be, nor do they develop themselves to their greatest potential. Unfortunately this is much easier said than done, for it takes time and effort to undo programmed habits and ways of living.

It is time for us to claim our authentic self and live life to our fullest potential. To be authentic means to find the key to happiness and success within ones self, not within society that they live in. Society usually means the external system of authority that consciously and unconsciously dictates the direction and behaviour of our lives. Do you ever wonder why it is so important to live a certain way, with a certain car, house, school degree, etc.! It is because society dictates it to be so. To live and be your authentic self, you must free yourself from that cultural prison. You must think for yourself and create your own thoughts, needs and desires. Then, and only then, you are being authentic.

When you live an authentic life, you are living the life that resonates with your inner being. You will not bind yourself with destructive habits , relationships or lifestyles. You will gain inner strength and let go of manipulation, power plays, cruelty and hatred. You will find that your life is being elevated to a higher spiritual level. You will be thinking of humankind, rather than self. You won't be afraid of truth, and will deal with fear in a better way.

Teilhard de Chardin said, " We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience”... This truth has been expressed since the beginning of time. We are just now beginning to understand it. We need to embrace it, live it and share it with others. If we do this, our world will have less fear and destruction, and more love, happiness and abundance.

When we ask people why they continue to live an unhappy and unfulfilled existence, they often respond, "they don't know why". For example, if they are unhappy with their job, we ask them, "Why do you continue to stay and be unfulfilled at your job, day after day?” Or why do you continue to behave in a way that isn't necessarily healthy, like smoking or drinking too much? What we observe is that they don't know why they do certain things. They just continue to do it out of habit. What we have determined is that their behaviour doesn't match with their values, thus they are not living authentically.

I encourage you to lead yourself into a life of authenticity. You may need to spend some time and ponder exactly what it is you want from your life, and who exactly you are. It is a journey that will lead you to incredible things, mostly YOURSELF!

Lost your way recently

Over the past few weeks I have been reading a book about Paul Meyer. Part way through the book I was hit with a quote that woke me up big time.

You are not where you want to be because your goals are not clear enough.
I was angry at myself when I read that...yes I am clear...yes I am goal setting...yes I am doing all the right things.

I looked back at some of the goals that I had set. yes I was not as clear as I shod have been. I have since then monitored what I am saying and making as a goal. What a difference it is making.
Be crystal clear....no movement.

Make it count.

Then today I came across this by Brian Tracy

Decide to Become Rich
By Brian Tracy

We have passed from a world based on material limitations into a world that is determined by mental concepts. We have moved from the age of things into the "Psychozoic Age," the age of the mind.

Wealth and opportunities are contained more in the person you are and the way you think than in the assets you have acquired in life so far.

Your future lies more in your ability to apply your mind and intelligence to your work and your life than it does in your current job situation.

Change Creates Opportunity
The forces of change impact everything you do. The rate of change is accelerating week by week and month by month. The speed and variety of change is something over which you have no control, and about which you have no choice.

The only decision you have to make is whether you are going to be a "master of change" or a "victim of change." Are you going to be a creator of circumstance or a creature of circumstances? It will be one of the other, but the impact of change will be forced upon you, whatever you do.

Learn from the Experts
If you want to learn how to cook, you study cooking. If you want to be a lawyer, you study law. If you want to be an engineer, you study engineering. And if you want to be financially successful, you study others who have become financially successful before you. Find out what they did, and you do the same things, over and over, until you get the same results.

Get Rid of the Myths
There are a great many myths about self-made millionaires. If you want to become a self-made millionaire yourself, you must dispel these myths from your own mind. Many people have fixed ideas or beliefs about themselves and money that are holding them back.

One myth is that you have to go have a great education to become rich. Another myth is that you have to start off with a lot of money. Some people are convinced that financial success depends on a lucky break of some kind.

None of these myths are true. In fact, a survey of members of the Forbes 400, the 400 richest men and women in the United States, found that high school dropouts in the group who made it to the list were worth, on average, $300 million more than university graduates on the list.

Becoming a Millionaire
There is a probability that you will become a millionaire in the course of your working lifetime. Today in America, one family in 20 has a net worth of more than one million dollars. This means that your likelihood of acquiring a million dollars is one in 20, or five percent.

The more different things you do that are likely to help you to achieve your goal, the more likely it is you will do the right thing at the right time. If you set clear, written goals, make detailed plans, and continually upgrade your skills to increase your income, you increase the probabilities that you will earn a good living.

Action Exercise
Resolve today to become financially independent. Become a student of money, wealth, accumulation, and wealth creation. Becoming rich is a skill that you can learn.


If you are feeling stuck? Get going today and make a call to someone who can help...eg life coach or revisit your goals and get them really focused.